How you can learn to say no without feeling guilty later

If you’re a busy professional running a successful business or team, you probably receive a lot of offers and invitations. The more successful we are, the more people tend to notice. This leads to an increase in offers in our time. Vendors, partners, and colleagues are increasingly eager to get into our calendars and try to sell us things we don’t want or need.

It often disrupts our already perfectly ugly plans and goals. If you find yourself in this situation, here are five things you can say (and do) when someone scolds you—without guilt or stress.

1. This is not aligned with my goals or values

People who design us are often more interested in their own goals than ours. Every week I receive countless messages promising to help me find qualified leads, start a podcast, or grow my business in various ways. The problem is that I currently have no expansion goals – or goals to do any of these things.

Before you say yes to someone or anything, ask yourself, “Does this align with my current goals or values? If the answer is no, then you already know what you need to do, and it doesn’t hurt to say that the opportunity just doesn’t align with the activities you’ve already committed to.”

2. I have more important priorities

Maybe the invitation you’re getting is aligned with your goals, but not aligned with the ways you want to achieve those goals. Perhaps the proposed activity or offer could help you achieve your goals, but at the expense of other activities that you think could help you more. This is a great reason to say, “not right now, but maybe later.”

Managing our time is one of the most important things we do. Setting boundaries around what we can reasonably put on our plate at one time is a huge part of effective time management. If you try to chase two rabbits, they will both run away. If everything is important, then nothing is important. You are responsible for deciding what is most important to you.

Maybe you’re interested in attending a conference about how artificial intelligence can help grow your business, but February isn’t the time. If so, it’s not necessarily a no; now it just isn’t. In the winter, you can politely ask people to come back and ask again in the spring or summer. Or let them know you’ll mark the opportunity down and come back when it works with all the other competing priorities you already have on your calendar that need to come first.

3. I truly wish them the best in everything they do

Invitations or offers that are not suitable for me usually sound like fantastic opportunities for others. Every time I politely turn someone down, I wish them the best as they try to help other people. I always tell people, “I hope it works out,” when I am unable to serve them. That’s because it’s true.

I usually don’t say no because I don’t like the person or want nothing to do with them. The thing is, I’ve already stacked things on my calendar that matter more. It’s good to leave the door open and wish people success in their goals to help others the way they tried to help me (or get from others what they tried to get from me). It’s good to separate the care and respect I have for them from the care and respect I have for the idea they were trying to sell me.

4. If you have time and interest, give a quick tip

I was recently suggested by someone who clearly had no idea what I was doing and didn’t bother to take the time to learn. When she asked me why I wasn’t interested, I decided to give her the benefit of the truth: I found it disturbing that she had the audacity to try to sell me something before trying to understand me or my goals. I quickly explained why I found her message pretentious and demanding, with the hope that this honest feedback could help her become a stronger counselor in the future. Of course, if you don’t have the time (or interest), skip this step and go to step #5.

5. Feel zero guilt

It’s amazing how many unwanted calendar disruptors say things that make us feel guilty for not giving them what they wanted. Remember: You don’t owe an explanation to random strangers you’ve never met or distant acquaintances you barely know. Business contacts you’ve only met once or twice are not the same as your children or members of your immediate inner circle. Saying no to these people is not the same as repeatedly firing your direct reports or family.

For years, being a people-pleaser perfectionist, I tried to meet almost everyone who invited me. I would feel guilty telling people I wasn’t interested or didn’t have the time. Then it dawned on me. Every time we say yes to one thing, we automatically say no to an unlimited number of other things. Why did I say yes to whoever shouted the loudest? When we choose not to feel any guilt for letting an acquaintance down, a wonderful thing happens: It becomes much easier to do. Make sure you remember that saying no to people doesn’t make you an unkind, uncompassionate person who doesn’t care about others. It makes you a deliberate, deliberate person who cares about your own dreams.

The amount of DMs, newsletters, email messages, and other outreach can be overwhelming. But saying no is easier when you do it in these ways (and do it without guilt or shame). Considering these things will often help you decide which invitations to decline. If you realize that the offer doesn’t align with your goals, priorities, and the only reason you’d say yes is because you feel obligated, then you’re in a good position to have a great conversation about it.

Subscribe to How Success Happens and learn from well-known business leaders and celebrities, uncovering the shifts, strategies and lessons that helped them rise. Get it in your inbox.

If you’re a busy professional running a successful business or team, you probably receive a lot of offers and invitations. The more successful we are, the more people tend to notice. This leads to an increase in offers in our time. Vendors, partners, and colleagues are increasingly eager to get into our calendars and try to sell us things we don’t want or need.

It often disrupts our already perfectly ugly plans and goals. If you find yourself in this situation, here are five things you can say (and do) when someone scolds you—without guilt or stress.